July 25th

I became a single mom on July 25, 2012.  That is the offical day Peter and I broke up because I found the text messages.  I had a feeling something was going on with him because you just get a feeling.  (Ask anyone who has ever been cheated on...you just know.)  My friend had been coming over and spending time with us and I thought her and Peter flirted but I couldn't be sure.   I really never thought she would do anything like that to me; someone she called her "dearest friend." 

To start at the very beginning, Peter had back surgery in 2010 and claimed that the bed hurt his back. So for two years of our relationship he slept on the couch.  At first that wasn't a big deal but then it started to bother me.  We would get into big fights about it.  I would tell him I missed him and felt like we weren't as close because we didn't share a bed.  He yelled and said it had nothing to do with his love for me, it was all his back.  But yet after I would leave for work he would go climb in the bed and sleep the rest of the morning.  I soon gave up.

In June I tried to talk to him to tell him something was wrong with our relationship and maybe we needed to go to counseling.  I told him I was not happy and I didn't feel like we were close anymore.  He got so angry!  He yelled and told me nothing was wrong and that we were perfectly fine.  We had already done some couple's therapy but it was because of some stuff he went through with his son's mother, so we mostly talked about how the difficulties of issues with his son affected us.  He told me we had already done therapy and we didn't need anymore.  I gave up.

Then in late July my sister came to visit with her two kids.  We had Peter's son with us so it was me and her and four kids.  We had a blast.  We went swimming, made and decorated sugar cookies, watched movies and just had  really good time.  On July 24, 2012 Peter was at work and texted me about 10:30 p.m. saying he had to finish some paperwork and it was going to take awhile but that he would be home later.  My sister and I were planning my rehersal dinner and changing it up to be completely better than the first dinner I had planned.  Then Peter got home about 12:30 a.m.  I had dinner for him even though it was late.  He acted completely normal.  I had no idea he had just been at her house for the last two hours.  He did take a shower as soon as he got home before he ate which I thought was kind of strange but didn't say anything. 

The next morning I woke up early to Peter's phone alarm going off.  (I should have known something was up because he NEVER let his phone out of his possession.)  I went into the bathroom to turn it off and when I did the text messages were open.  I could only see her name the words "hey baby..." and I remember thinking "What?".  So I opened the message and read.  And my heart dropped.  I started breathing really hard as I realized what was going on.  And I was pissed.  I'm talking ready-to- beat-the-shit-out-of-him angry.  And I'm like the nicest person in the world.

I woke him up, made him come to the room, and confronted him.  Since I didn't want to let my sister and her family hear, I screamed at him the loudest whisper possible.  Its kind of funny if you think about it now.  Being only able to scream at someone in a whisper.  Its an oxymoron.  I'd like to think I was actually screaming so loud that only dogs could hear me, but that wasn't the case.  He was trying to deny it.  I wouldn't let him.  He took the phone from me and started to erase the messages.  I grabbed it from him and we got into a wrestling match over the phone.  We fell onto the bed, me on top of him.  We stopped wrestling and I said "No. No Peter.  I am NOT crazy. I am NOT stupid. And I KNOW what I read is true.  You are sleeping with her!" He just kept saying "No. No. It was nothing and you are wrong."  I started to get off of him and he tried hugging me.  I let him for a second because was holding on to me so tight.  Then I pulled up away from him and I said "I hope she was worth losing your family." 

I've never seen him so vulnerable as I did in that moment.  And in that exact moment I had never felt so strong.