Kamry Kay

I found out I was pregnant on May 19, 2009.  It was a happy but depressing day.  I was happy because I had a little baby growing inside of me.  But I was sad and depressed for many reasons.  One--I was was not married.  I was having this child out of wedlock, which is something I NEVER wanted for myself or my children.  Two--my parents.  They were going to flip out.  And they did.  I will save that for another post.  Three--I felt really stupid.  Here I was 28, unmarried, and pregnant.  That was only supposed to happen to teenagers who were dumb.  But I had no choice...I was going to be a mom.

My pregnancy went well.  We found out it was a girl and I was so relieved.  I wanted girl.  (In fact, I want two more and then I'm good.) On January 8, 2010 my beautiful Kamry Kay came into this world.

Being a mom is so wonderful that the word wonderful doesn't even begin to describe it. In fact I don't like the words wonderful, fabulous, great, fantastic or awesome because none of those are worthy of describing the feeling of being a mom.  I think the only word to describe being a mom is love.  Unconditional, everlasting, whole-hearted love. The moment they placed her in my arms there was a feeling that washed over me that I will never be able to put into words.

Many times I question if I am a good mom.  (Especially now that Kamry is 3 and I'm learning how hard the age of 3 is.) I remember I was watching Supernanny one time and there was a couple, especially the mom, having a trouble with their kids.  Nanny said it boiled down to the fact that the mother didn't know her children.  She didn't know her children's favorite color, their favorite foods, or what they liked to do for fun.  She stood there looking at her children like they were strangers.  I remember thinking how sad it was and that I would always know my children.  I will know Kamry inside and out.

Kamry loves to be tickled.  She loves the colors purple and pink and anything to do with princesses.  She loves "macanoni and cheese" and donuts.  She loves bubbles, Dora the Explorer, and Cinderella.  She does not like green beans and I think I'm losing the battle with broccoli.  She does not like hang nails and will "rescue" anyone who has one.  She has beautiful brown eyes that show absolute concern and love when she is worried about you.  And when she sees you crying she will crawl into your lap, stroke your cheek with the back of her hand, and tell you "Its OK Mommy.  I love you." and then snuggle into your chest.

Yes, I think I know my daughter.  She has become my sidekick.  We do pretty much everything together.  I've started a chore chart with her which I have found that it has done two things: 1) She is starting to learn a routine and expectations.  2) I'm getting help around here because I have learned I can't do it all by myself. 

I love my baby girl.  I know it is cliche, but its true--she is solely what keeps me going.  Every decision I make I first think about what kind of example do I want to be for her.  I have to be the kind of woman I want her to grow up to be.  And that idea alone has taught me more about relationships than any amount of years I have spent in one.